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” From Unwanted to Unstoppable” 

 

 

 

January 1973.
Abortion became legal in the United States.
Roe v. Wade reshaped our nation.
Much of the United States was divided.
Pro-choice camps.
Pro-life camps.
Grassroots movements sprouting up on both sides.
Wait.
Don’t leave.
I promise I am not a lawyer.
*humor*
Hi.
I’m Athena.
I founded an organization for adults who are living with CPTSD symptoms.
Their symptoms are from childhood maltreatment.
And other forms of interpersonal violence.
Since you’re here, that might be you.
If so, hi again.
Welcome : )
Are you struggling?
I get it.
Suicidal?
Maybe not now, but sometimes.
How’s your professional life going?
Are you able to relax?
The concept of peace eludes you.
You spent most of your life
needing
to be psychic.
So you could figure out what everyone needed.
So you could meet the need.
All the needs.
All the time.
For all the people.
Whatever the problem?
You could fix it.
Walking on eggshells was your full-time job.
Then?
After you fixed all the things.
For all the people?
Then you became an adult.
Who fixed all the things.
For all the people.
Every friend.
Every boyfriend.
Every girlfriend.
Every family member.
Every co-worker.
Every boss.
Every church friend.
E.v.e.r.y.o.n.e.
Then?
Maybe you could rest.
And breathe.
And feel safe.
And feel valuable.
Like you matter.
Only that feeling never came.
Because?
Here you are.
Decades later.
Still fixing.
Still trying.
Still running.
Still tired.
Still searching.
Still hurting.
Still not enough.
Still not safe.
*deep breath*
I get you.
I got you.
You don’t have to do this alone anymore.
This is a place to find rest.
This is a place to breathe.
This is where you are understood.
I can help you.
Together we can find ways.
To choose your sanity.
Over their approval and control.
Because you?
You matter.
Your sanity?
It matters.
It might not feel like it now.
But it will.
In time.
I can help you be okay with receiving those words.
I can help you to feel less alone.
To feel valued.
To feel seen.
And heard.
To feel safe.
But first.
A little bit more backstory.
Feel free to skip ahead.
Totally acceptable to skip ahead.
If I could have skipped ahead?
I would have.
Last chance to skip ahead.
*humor*
Okay.
So, back to abortion.
When the United States Supreme Court legalized abortion?
My mom and dad were at a party.
I was born 8-9 months later.
As a young child life was…
How do we say?
Not healthy.
My family felt I should not have been born.
I was reminded of how unacceptable I was.
With actions.
And words.
“I knew I should have had an abortion…” they would say.
And then there were glances.
Oh the glances.
The look.
That look.
That effing LOOK.
The hatred in that look.
The disdain in that look.
The disgust in that look.
Why is silence more painful than words sometimes?
God, I wanted to be invisible.
Or perfect.
Or perfectly invisible.
How does one find themselves raising their hand in 3rd grade to ask the teacher,
“What’s an boar shin?”
Yaaahh.
Not good, Athena.
Not good.
So, we moved away from that school.
We moved a lot.
My dad was incarcerated.
My mom joined the circus.
*you c.a.n.n.o.t make this up*
I lived with whoever would take me.
Wherever.
With whoever.
Aunts.
Uncles.
Friends of aunts and uncles.
Yep.
I was that kid.
And as you can imagine?
Bad things happen.
To unwanted children.
With little-to-no supervision.
With little-to-no acceptance.
With little-to-no love.
Bad, bad things.
*sigh*
So, now you have context.
Before we move on…
Yes, my dad got out.
Yes, my mom quit the circus.
But still.
Bad things happen to tiny kids under the age of 7.
When their parents.
Are on drugs.
And drunk.
And incarcerated.
And doing their solid best to escape reality.
Sure.
They were probably “doing their best.”
But their best?
Wasn’t enough.
Sorry
not sorry.
No sugar coating it folks.
Not anymore.
So now.
Let us flash forward to a more beautiful time.
With unicorns and rainbows.
And coffee.
Not really.
But better.
Better than coffee.
Better than unicorn rainbow awesomeness.
November 1992.
Just days after my 19th birthday.
The light of my life was born.
My beautiful son.
Jordan.
*clouds parting*
*angels singing*
*babies crying*
*all the feels*
Now flash forward a few more months.
April 1993.
I’m a teenage single mom in the early 90’s.o
I do not have a CLUE.
I do not have…Um.
How do you say?
A supportive family.
Or sound advice about babies.
About anything.
But especially about babies.
Or how to be a good mom.
This little baby is going nowhere near the circus.
Or prison.
No way Jose.
Not my baby.
But looking back?
I was clueless.
I didn’t have an example set for me growing up.
I mean besides multiple divorces.
Multiple step-parents.
Drug abuse.
Alcoholism.
Incarceration.
The circus.
The clowns in the circus.
*shudder*
Multiple alcoholics in the home.
Pornography on the TV.
Pornography on the walls.
Pornography in the magazines.
Drugs in the house.
Drugs in the car.
No stability.
No structure.
No boundaries.
No safety, let alone safe people.
No love.
Ongoing abuse of every kind.
Neglect.
Hunger.
Maltreatment is an understatement.
So here I am.
A new mom.
I’m barely 19 years old.
I lack wisdom and resources.
I lack family and acceptance.
I need…
NEEEEED.
To be a great role model for my little boy.
But I don’t know how.
Or who to ask.
Which completely overwhelms me.
Literally every day.
E.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.
Yet I am determined.
To somehow become a great role model.
For my baby boy.
Because he is worth it.
Because he is going to have it all.
Everything I never had.
And I?
I am going to be the one to give it to him.
Because he deserves the moon.
Here is me and baby Jordan back then.
Athena-Moberg-Circa-1993
UPDATE 08-2018
I am updating the photos and written information on my website.
In the meantime, please enjoy these snapshots of my son and me…

Athena-Moberg-Jordan-Circa-2009

Athena-Moberg-Circa-2011

Athena-Moberg-Mother's-Day

Athena-Moberg-Circa-2012


Athena-Moberg-Circa-2013

 

 


Again. You are always welcome here.

As I mentioned earlier if you are not a survivor of childhood maltreatment, child exploitation, human trafficking or other childhood trauma I am confident my resources will encourage you. You will never be turned away if you are not a trauma survivor. I look forward to connecting further.


 

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I APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT.
Athena Moberg, CFTP
P.O. Box 10001
Lahaina, Hawaii
96761-0001
USA
90 seconds of talk-therapy.
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